Parkinson's vs. Alzheimers: Is it better to spill half your beer or forget where you left it?                    It's better to have questions you can't answer than answers you can't question.                    Blasphemy is a victimless crime.                    Don't steal. The government hates competition.                    The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.                    A friend is someone who'll help you move. A real friend is someone who'll help you move a body.                   Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a flamethrower.                    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.                     A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.                     Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.                    Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.                    It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.                   It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.                    Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Common sense is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.                    If it's got tits or wheels you're going to have trouble with it.